can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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