i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
