so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
