when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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