my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
