Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
