I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
