i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
