.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
