can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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