I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
