But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
