Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
