like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He felt like a one man threesome
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
as a side note pls kill me
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