I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
