I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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