My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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