the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I smell stomach acid.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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