Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
