dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
