Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
