It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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