Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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