Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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