Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
