my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
