We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
