no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
