so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
