it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
