Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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