Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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