so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
