I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
