I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
