She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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