you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
