My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
