Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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