Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
