operation harelip BJ is a go
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
