if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
