I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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