when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
