We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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