I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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