well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
