I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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