just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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