Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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