She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have post one night stand depression
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
